Emiko:

Here goes! *pulls out red pen* First off, yes, if a character application is rejected, you're free to apply for that position. You know, I never thought about Gabriel knight being copyright infringement! It's the name of some comic book character or something, isn't it? Large explanations are good. ^^

We actually have Gabriel listed as Water on the site... Let's see where this goes. Egads, what's up with the name Jeremy? It's suddenly popping up everywhere! XD Good birth date given the senshi.

Hmmmm, you've got good family description, but you don't give us their names or ages. Where do they find time for their shady dealings?

And yet, in the rpg, more than 5% of ISAS students are local area residents right now. Why is that? ISAS doesn't have any real athletic teams, though you can find the boys playing football (that's soccer in America) on the field a lot. Yes, ISAS has a theatre department, but it's not known for it, really. What's a Piccata, period?

Hm, born in Florida, moved to Roanoke, like me. Yegads, he was really beat up! You'd have to do more than just be oblivious to warrant that. Someone would have to really have it out for you. And then he took up martial arts... A bunch of apps are like this, though I don't know anyone in Roanoke who's taken up martial arts because they were quiet and getting beat up. In fact, I know of very few beatings. And I'm instantly wary about someone with a black belt. Gosh, he must seem really gifted for ISAS to admit him when he has a disciplinary record...

Eh, something seems to be missing in history. He moved from Orlando, was very quiet because his parents neglected him, got beat up because he was so quiet, got a black belt, somehow managed to get in to ISAS. When exactly did ISAS admit him? Hasn't this kid had any kinds of relationships? What's his life like right now?

Listing characteristics, while useful, doesn't do the traits justice. Why did his parents ignore him, really? Ho boy, you stress his introversion then throw in some sociability. I'm not buying it. If you're going to stress his being an introvert so much, kick out the sociable aspect. If you want to make him a bit less introverted, explain the relationship between his introversion and his sociability. And where in his personality is this whole art thing? I thought that was supposed to be really major, too. And the basketball? Where does a major introvert get into basketball? And if he loves basketball so much, why isn't it here? I'm not really sure I get his motivation for his personality. I mean, his parents neglected him, so does he become introverted because he thinks he's not worth other people's notice? Why not overcompensate by being an attention-getter instead?

Yegads, he's tall. As tall as Wade! Too tall, really... And he's also lean and wiry, you say. That doesn't agree with his predisposition towards physical sports. Are tall people usually flexible? I wouldn't know, being short, but it seems to me tall people aren't as coordinated as us little ones... XD Tall guys with basketballs look eally funny on the court, like they're always about to fall over. Okay, maybe I'm babbling about a short person thing here. Let's move on!

If he's so handsome and plays basketball, why is he so introverted? I mean, wouldn't that kind of make him popular? Isn't some extroversion important on a team? And where exactly is that scar of his and how big is it? When he got it, did he have to get a lot of stitches or surgery?

I think I grasp the fuku, but how do those shoulder things stay on? Igle, you can't have your transformation item passed down from generations. It's something your guardian gets out of his or her little transdimensional pocket. Gabriel may be "God's Messenger," but he's got something to do with water, I know, else I wouldn't have put that as his power base on the site...

Gwoofle, if you're going to say Gabriel's two spheres of influence are vengeance and magic, why is he the Senshi of Messages and why do I have him associated with water?

On Vengeance Blade Slash... his blade actually travels through someone's body... I don't know, that seems awfully lethal to me, seeing as how your enemies are the other senshi. And you even say it's very difficult to dodge, which gives him the ability to run around impaling other characters with potentially fatal wounds.

Divine Revelation sounds interesting, but you haven't given us nearly enough description on it. It seems like it could potentially be used to uncover the human identities of the senshi. There's also not enough description on Sacred Messenger. What kind of communication can he use with this? What's it like for the person receiving? Can he contact just anybody, or does it have to be someone he knows well?

Um, Blessed Resurrection is interesting, but... How do you term the end of the battle? And just how does it restore the senshi? Just bring them back from unconsciousness? What if they're unconscious from loss of blood because their arm's been chopped off? Then they couldn't fight, unconscious or not...

While you clearly have a good grasp of the various things associated with Gabriel, your element doesn't match the powers here or the given element on the page. Stick with one element for powers and expand on the powers with the other stuff Gabriel's associated with. Am I making sense? You've just got too many sub elements without emphasis on one main element.

Um, okay, you haven't given us enough info on the monkey. The biggest concern would be, who is this monkey? And then I think we already have a monkey guardian now... (Did that get accepted?) What kind of a monkey were we talking about here?

Overall, each area of the application was extremely well-written and fairly well thought out. The only problem is that the areas don't agree with one another. Details of personality don't match his stats. Details of appearance don't match his personality. Hum, I think you just tried to include too much: sports, martial arts, art, academics... Something's got to go. And powers are just a little too varied, even if they all tie in to Gabriel's mythic origins. Not to mention you've been too vague on his guardian (and parents). Rejected for Revisions, though you're obviously a great writer and I'd love to have you in the rpg.

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Jen:

>>Senshi: Gabriel, Angelus Senshi of Messages

Gonna say ok on this one, as it's one of the things Gabriel is known for: 'bringer of news'. The birthdate is a nice touch, too.

Am I blind? I can't figure out why the family moved to Roanoke btw 5th and 6th grade. I'm assuming it's because dad was transferred, but he travels a lot and doesn't take them with, soooo.... We need more personality - min is 3 paragraphs, and you've got one long one, here. It would be better to have more showing and less telling. Break it up a bit. The history was well done, just use the same type of format, explaining more. How is he romantic? What happens if his ideas are shot down?

Fuku is kind of plain, no outstanding characteristics, but I'd be willing to pass over it if the other items were addressed. Vengeance Blade is encroaching a little on Tisiphone's sphere, but the power itself isn't...hmm. Since Gabriel is so powerful (as an Archangel) it'd be easier to stick with one base. Divine Revelation is closer in keeping with the power base, and so is Sacred Messenger, although I'd scale down the radius. 10 miles is a little far! Blessed Resurrection is outside the power base. It would fit better with a healing power base.

Theresa: ANOTHER MONKEY!

Shh, there's nothing wrong with monkeys. But you can't give the guardian the same name as the senshi in use. There's GOT to be another way, or another saint that would compliment the theme. So, it's definitely got promise, but the guardian, personality, and powers need some tweaking, so I vote reject for revisions.

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Lethe:

First off: Weird. We must share some great cosmic brain, eh?

I have an app-in-waiting about an Archangelus named Dominic (sans the k/ I'll call him Nic in case they get more similar), but he's in England.

I love Gallagher, ya know, the guy who smashes watermel-- anything with a mallet.

Seventeen... again? And September (same as Nic)? Nice was 26, though, so whew.

Nice general info on parents, but do they have names? And about how old would you say they might be?

Crazy mom, just like Rhiannon! ^^;

AGH! ISAS! That's okay.

I like onions.

Is he going to be over-patriotic? *reads* Whew, good.

Nice history and personality, but quite a many things resemble my application for Virgil.

Appearance rivals a few characters I've applied for (Esp. Virgil and Nic), but they don't fully exist yet, so I'll pass. Could you vary him away from the Aryan features, as in change the eye color or something? It adds intrigue, then again, angels were pure enitities, but, then again, who even said they were white? ^^; I'll pass again.

I very much like his fuku. It's simple, but gets the point across... very rare in these parts.

I again like the transformation a lot (He and Nic share a mutual item with the cryptic scroll). Simply explained is muy bueno. Haha, flat hair.

Vengeance Blade Slash... I can cope with that. But 4-6 times is a bunch, especially if he can use the sword, in any fashion, without the attack. I'd say limit it to 2-4, and that's leaning more toward the two than the four. Owwie? Example: Hecate uses her gauntlet to attack people, but she never applies enough pressure to kill them, as such a weapon could very well do it. She is, for the most part, still afraid to take a life with her bare hands/arms.

Divine Revelation... o-tay. Exactly what type of information is revealed? Identities? Strength remaining? Types of powers they possess? Shoe size? Favorite color? And when might a senshi lie to you in a way that you need to become a human lie detector? ((Random Senshi: "I can kick your ass!" Gabriel: *Divine Revelation* Ha! You cannot!))

Sacred Messenger... I actually like this one, but can it blocked? If so, how? And you could even bump the use up to around 5 or so for senshi on your team, but still only two for the enemy, seeing as how your enemy is less likely to want you telling them anything whatsoever. ^^;

Blessed Resurrection... Here is where I draw some pretty lines. Resurrection may be covered under the angel Gabriel's list-of-cans, but messages doesn't come close, generally speaking. We already have senshi with the abilities in the realms to do such a power, and we really don't need everyone to do it. If you want to restore life, then maybe try out for a second character that already possesses that powerbase. Believe me, it wouldn't be hard to find an angel that could do something similar. And, if you can't find an angel, then I recommend the Astronomia senshi, they don't have specific powerbases, it's Em's fun free-for-all section.

I must admit that the fact that the senshi returns to their harmed state after the battle is a nice touch.

Oh no. No, ya don't. There's only room enough for two monkeys as guardians, and I believe you aren't stealing Cy's spot! ^^; I'm kidding... for the most part.

As for the monkey, changing the name is a given, but what type of primate is it? How do he and Dominick meet? Where does he live? He could stay at the zoo with Cy. As for messenger guardians, you could have chosen a Retriever to complement your messages.

More than just God needs to know how he came to Roanoke and where he came from ^^; After all, God doesn't review the applications. *stops, looks around, whispers to unknown: Em doesn't still beli-- oh, okay.* ... *evil cackle, horns grow, etc.*

Okay, upon your explanatio I was thinking: "Hey, Gabriel as messenger makes me giggle, why is that?" Then I was struck by lightning, then resurrected by a random monkey and remembered that Gabriel's listed powerbase was water... my question: Why change it? Did you really want an Archangel, or was there some other neat reason? I'm just curious as to why hs powerbase was indeed changed.

People can be trained as messengers too; if I were you, I would have picked a nice brunette from Bernard Hall at ISAS to be my guardian.

Rhia: Freaky nut.

O.o;;

I appreciate the end note on the attacks being "too damned powerful," but here's a nice thing to remember: If you look at your powers and the -are- too damned powerful in your basic form, then you probably need to start from scratch. After all, what's the point in having a senshi who is useless after one attack, especially if the attack -does- wear off.

I really enjoyed the writing sample though, and do hope to be working with you soon; however, due to his powers, the occasional quirk (parents' names, monkey name, monkey in general) and basically things that just don't make much sense, I'm going to give it a Reject with the definate need for attack revision.