Kaworu: Ka-san: Fwhoopies! This one looks fun! Rhiannon: Yes indeedy! Ka-san: First off, I think the fact that she has a Japanese name is OK, since this is the multi-ethnic version of SMPBEM games. I don't like the fact that she was an illegitamate child with no family, but there was one thing I liked. Rhiannon: The fact that her mom was a whore? Ka-san: Actually, yes. It shows uniqueness and spontaneity. I also found fault in her basic stats: Quite a many cliches and overdone things, however that's all this generation is, cliches... And, Jess, most of us don't like mean people, ne? Rhiannon: I don't like the whole homeless thing, because if she was homeless and poor, wouldn't she want to transform and stay that way? I mean, she would be wearing better clothes and all. WHAT!? It make sense! Ka-san: Haha. Well, her history is quite fairing, except the fact that it doesn't seem to reflect upon her personality, or other daily doings that well. But the history does hold a candle for the app. For being so stoic, she has a wonderful imagination and doesn't seem to want to hide it. Rhiannon: Something about this application reminds me of someone very familiar.. The hair.. *reading on before Ka-san* It's on the tip of my tongue! When I figure it out, I'll be sure to say. Ka-san: I know what you mean... Hmm.. Oh well. The fuku is traditional.. Baka onna! I would like to know if it's a short or long skirt.. If you make it long, I'll give you a cookie and won't sick Rhiannon on you! Rhiannon: I bite too! Grrrr... Ka-san: I love typing! Ack, Rhia has a shimmery silver cape! Grrr.. I might just bite you myself! ^_______^;;; Rhiannon: Oh dear. Back to the cause... "Haniel Sta.." Wait, that's wrong.. You said it yourself, Jess.. She isn't just an Angel, she's an ARCHANGEL, it might be better if you kinda did what the directions on the box said. Try and unique-ify the transformation, too.. I mean.. we all can't have ribbons. I mean, I don't. Things just.. manifest.. Mine's pretty. Ka-san: O.o;;; Yeah... The attacks.. HRMM.. Rhiannon: THAT'S IT!! I know!! She reminds me of MINAKO!! The original one and only Sailor Venus! Mwhaha! That damn heart gave it away! Oh and the knee-low hair helped. Ka-san: I can't believe you figured it out before me.. [Yeah right, I knew before I wrote this ^^;] Even reading your explanation for "Haniel Stop," I still don't get it. Maybe you should calm somebody down, or something useful. I don't see why they'd stop for the light, especially if they wanted to kick some ass. Rhiannon: Hell yeah! *reading* She has no guardian? Then what's that unicorn thing? Does it serve a purpose. Ain't no freak horse gonna come in my head and tell me I'm a senshi. They'd have to come through my window, like Medea did. Ka-san: You are more baka than I, Rhia.. If her month is December, why is her birthday on the opposite side of the calendar? I think that your writing sample was perhaps the best part of your app, so that's good. ^___^! Rhiannon: You'll let her be killed so long as she gets resurrected? That's crazy. And, of course people will clue you in on your senshi's death, it only happens to the bad or busy. Maybe I can resurrect? I am the sorcery chick. Nyah.. I'll leave that up to Aesculapius... Oh well. Verdict, Kaworu? Ka-san: Hai. I say REJECT FOR INCONCLUSIVE REASONS... or maybe just REVISIONS... I like some ideas, and I'd hate to get rid of her all together, but she always has those other nine or so RPGs to fall back on. But I'd hate to deny her from the best. Rhiannon: Unless she was related to that Bob Bobson fellow. He was so cool. Ka-san: *dies* ----- Colin: Um, okay. This girl is essentially the same as Sailor Sculptor/Veta Tiernay, but I'll look past that. What does the name mean, just for curiosity's sake? Not that all names need to have meaning, mind you. Could you tell us a bit more about the mother-daughter relationship before the mother passed? Does she just live on the streets, or does she get help at a public aid shelter? Does she sew for fun or for clothes? How does she get food? I refuse to believe that in this day and age a homeless person can't find some sort of public aid in a city like Roanoake. What is driving this girl to keep on living her life? Why hasn't she just ended it all by now? What kind of people talk to her if she's one of the shunned? The other shunned? Is this girl lobotomized? How can she have the time to believe in faeries, unicorns and other such fairy tale business? Slim? Try emaciated and not well nourished at all. How can she afford to dye her hair lavender? I'm throughly certain it's not a side effect of poverty, girlie. Her eyes are extremely rare, as the darker color of her mother's would take genetic dominance... How can you possibly use the word 'kawaii' in this application? This girl is an outright mess!! What are said 'magical girl' ribbons? Other than that, I get the fuku and transformation. Give me more detail on the attacks... reject for revision... ----- Angie: *pulls app closer and bends over it* Here goes... Oh, boy... Okay, why a Japanese name? And her mom is known but dead. There's a difference... History? It's all a bit unreal, isn't it? A 9 year old would have been picked up at least once by child services and, if she longed for home and comfort so much, she'd do her damnedest to get adopted, I should think... I rather like the bare bones of the personality, though. Maybe if it were fleshed out... And the appearance is pretty good... Fuku's kinda traditional... Transformation is -very- traditional... And there are no monsters in Smyth. Just other senshi. The first attack is okay but the second one (a light-based power) doesn't really relate to her power sphere... I like the writing sample, though. Okay, I have to give this one a REJECT for a few reasons. First of all, her history is completely unbelievable given the story setting. Everything else was just about adequate but it could have used some fleshing out to make it really good. Sorry but try again.