ÿþLori: *glomps Haydn* I love this character! Priss- Oy. Excuse her, she's been watching that Mandy Moore movie... Hush. I've been laughing at it when I was supposed to be crying. =P Anywho...I loff Haydn. He's an adorable character, and I simply ADORE Morgan's writing sytle. ^_^ And Clavius is just cute. The personality, appearance and history are well thought out. Out of curiousity, in the history, how'd he react to senshi-dom? Did he go with the usual "I must be halucinating" bit? *reads ahead* Oooooh... *giggles* I like his attacks and his fuku. SPEEDY GONZALEZ! Writing sample is good. ^.^ Well, I give this app an accept, but as I'm already attached to Haydn, I may not count. Verdict- ACCEPT ----- SkySong: Waaaiiii! *Glomps him* I love him! Lovehimlovehimlovehim- Regina: *whacks SkySong* They get the point! ^^ Anyway, this should go without says: ACCEPT-O! ^^ I love him! Regina: *dryly* So we've noticed. ----- Colin: I had to check and confirm that Sombrero matched up to the powersphere of weeds. Who would of thought? Unlike the others, I'm not going to go so easy on you. Let's begin, shall we? We've got our fair share of teens in Roanoake, but that's not so important. I believe we've got a lot of December birthdays too, but I'll let that pass as the character's 'party kid' persona matches with Sag's convivialty. Why is dad, an Oxford man, majored in Philosophy a mere farmer? Explain. Is sheep farming in the family? What kind of things does he do to bond with his sons? Is dad fat? What does dad's body look like? Shepherding can't be that physical an activity... Is mom a manipulative bitch, or what? I don't quite understand how you say, 'she loves her family as much as she loves herself'. Does Annis love herself? It seems that fate has put her in a place she wouldn't exactly want to end up... How old are mom and dad? What exactly is a professional "'do"? If you're going to give details on appearances, you might as well give us an idea of height and weight while you're at it. Does ISAS even take kids that young? Also, isn't going to school in another country contradicting to Mom's yearning for perfect and normal children? I mean, Great Britain does have some very good secondary schools, you know. I doubt ISAS could be that much better, but that's beyond the point. Does Little Brother play any individual sports or instruments? How does he cope with a completely different mindset from his older brother? Oh, and cut the indirect RPG references. How exactly does Little Brother stop Haydn from getting into trouble? Does he have a police hook-up, or what? What's so ironic about his pot fixation? One should think that ISAS would eventually know at least something about pot use in the dorms..? What's up with the fear of the dark? pot paranoia? Haggis and Mutton is more a Scottish thing, but whatever. I don't really like the chocolate either. My dear, Welsh is foreign to even Oxford English. Haydn sounds like a real winner. Pianos are really expensive---is his family loaded? How does he feel about having to leave home and go to school in the States? I highly doubt ISAS would take a 9 year old, much less a 5 year old. Other than that, history is okay. I really don't like this character's personality, because he's essentially the stock pothead from any teen movie given some beaucoup charisma and something resembling wisdom. And you could of cut the whole "smot-poking" thing ten paragraphs or so. It's gotten really old. Would you call Haydn vain? I highly doubt that PE could give a person a sixpack. Give him more flaws--physical and emotional. So, he dresses like any random punk-poser? I can deal. Just flaw him up, don't make him so pretty-boy-waif-looking. Oh god, that fuku is tragic. You're harsh, but I've probably been really harsh throughout this entire thing---strangely, I don't seem to care. I'd consider loosing the sandals--ever try to run in them? I'd just drop the idea of the charm in general. You don't need an item to transform. Okay, by now we get the idea that he likes to smoke pot. A lot. I think that you're better off just saying the entire transformation phrase, then just having it happen. Would you say the yellow-green color would bring vomit to mind? Is Devilsnare good for just one person, or a group of people standing in a tight formation? How long would it take a person to submit into unconsciousness; could it kill if left on enough? Other than the time of day, what kind of energy drain does it use? Could someone run off with the weedwhacker? Uh, pestilence means diesease and really has nothing to do with spinning blades of grass... What if there's no grass where he's fighting? Is the damage normally light cuts and whatnot? With attacks you need to be very, very, very specific. Again, if there's no plantlife, can he use the attack? How long is temporary? How exactly does it effect someone if they can 'will' their way out if it? Is it a psychological kinda thing, or what? The attacks are neat, but are just missing one or two crucial details. Actually, when I think of old men, I think of bitter, viscious old things stewing in their beards and rocking chairs, but that's just me. Also, I don't think that said old man would coin phrases from little kids. He seems too stereotypical grumpy old man, but that's not exactly a bad thing. I've never heard of pot to cause intense halucinations, like things that don't talk to talk, but whatever. To tell the truth, I don't like Haydn. As a matter of fact, his personality type just pisses me off. I'm actually kinda mad that he's on my team so I couldn't let Rickipoo kick his ass. Overall, this is a shining piece of work, but you've got a couple of smudges to polish off. REJECT for SLIGHT REVISIONS so off you go, tidy up the things I mentioned, and if anything, just add tho