Sidestory:
Full Circle
By Angie
Gods. She's going to mope her way into oblivion. Julius shook his head, eyes still fixed on the young woman hunched over a book at the kitchen bar. All over that idiot boy. It had been three weeks since she had returned from that group patrol, silent and wide-eyed. Luckily, her father had been asleep, oblivious still to his daughter's night time outings. After that night, though, even Julius had noticed Dennis Veritas watching her more closely than usual. She was too quiet, too serious to be their Rayya. When she smiled now, it rarely if ever met her eyes. Julius sighed. It was beyond lucky that they had moved into her new apartment less than a week later. Julius knew his girl; she was about to snap under the strain of playing normal. He also knew that he couldn't bear to watch it happen again. The privacy of the apartment was both a curse and a blessing; if she chose to revisit the coping skills she displayed when she had a hand in Acacia's death… There would be no one to call for help.
Julius paced. He had to think of something. She was his. In so many ways, she was his; he was responsible for her; he needed her. That blasted boy. Gods damn him. Him and that blasted guardian of his. Livia. How could he have believed that she understood, that she knew they were to be kept separate? How could he have liked her, approved of her? Rayya had teased him about flirting with the turtle. Angrily, he spat. He had and now he was thoroughly disgusted with himself. She and that boy were breaking his Rayya.
Catching sight of a picture in a bottle-cap frame, he paused. It was a candid shot, a photograph taken before things had truly begun snow-balling. He had held the camera, blushing and stammering, while the girls had posed playfully. Lissie was swooning dramatically to one side while Theresa grinned, holding her hands up as bunny ears behind a hugging Rayya and Gwyn. The Romanus girls, shortly before Rayya had found Regina to adopt as a sister… He never thought the day would come but Julius had to admit that he was grateful for their presence. Melodramatic Lissie, disrespectful Gwyn, sarcastic Theresa, silent Regina. He owed them a debt that he had no way of repaying. It was for them that Rayya was holding herself together. Not him. He knew this sourly and surely and hated it. Yet his heart was full of pained gratitude that she had someone that she loved enough to pretend. Even if it wasn't him… But there was something he could do. He could take her mind from it all…
Carefully, he approached Rayya, nudging her knee with his snout. "Rayya," he murmured, "Take me for a walk."
Moving as if in a dream, Rayya held the lead and followed Julius. "Julius," she finally whispered, "What are we doing?"
"Rewarding you."
Her lip trembled. "For what? Being a lousy senshi? Hurting people I love? Killing? Not doing my duty? Failing?"
An arrow of pain ripped through Julius at the look in her eyes. She was parroting his words back to him; all of those times that he berated her for being less-than-gung-ho, taunting her with words like weak and will-less, they were coming back to bite him. "Rayya, no. Look, girl. Listen to me." Forcefully, he dragged her into an alley. Then he turned, eyes dark on her. "You have grown so much. You're amazing, Rayya." His soft voice was insistent, willing her to listen carefully to him, using all of the skills learned a lifetime ago in council. "You're so strong and I know you're hurting." You shouldn't be, though, godsdammit. "But you have made it this far. Come a little further. Come with me. For me." Again he moved, tugging on the leash. "Come on."
Dully, she let him lead her further into the alley. She sighed, her fingers loose on the leash. Vaguely, in the detached way she had adopted for wondering about all things lately, she wondered why he had led her to a costume shop and the dingy alley beside it. She did not wonder too hard, though; that would have required an awareness that she was studiously suppressing.
With a metallic clang, something hit her foot and she looked down. Frowning, she bent to pick up a heavy gold chalice. The sunlight reflected into her eyes, making her squint to follow the intricate chasing on the chalice's surface. Panthers and vines and grapes and dolphins. Amethysts set around the rim. Curious, she tilted the vessel and gasped at the warm, red light that seemed to shine from the bowl of it. "What… Jules, what is it?" she whispered as she sank to her knees. Just holding it was affecting her; she felt light-headed and dizzy. Her blood seemed warmer, boiling, singing through her veins. The light around her seemed different, diffuse and golden and physically soft to her exposed arms. Her hands closed convulsively around the chalice. "No," she suddenly murmured. "I know. It's mine. I lost it. So long ago… It was taken from me. I didn't misplace it. It was stolen." Her voice was bitter, pained at the story in her head. "The one god came and took it from me. He and his followers. One god with many faces and his priests. They stole it from me." One of her hands loosened and she ran a delicate finger along the rim. "My nectar. Wine. Life-giving. The purpose. The joy of living and life and release…" Trembling hands brought the cup higher in her rapt gaze, her mouth moving without aid of thought, words spilling out in rhythmic tempo, a bard's tale. "You do not recognize me? You will see… Come, dance with me… He is a boar… Bring honor to your homes, tear it apart… And they mistook me for a young prince, stealing me away, planning to sell me as a slave… Panthers appeared at my side and vines choked the ship, heavy with good grapes… They sprang as dolphins to the waves… Come, dance with me… I found her sleeping, abandoned on the beach…. Faithless lover abandoned. Come to me… Then I set her crown among the stars, forever my beloved… Come, dance with me…"
Julius looked on approvingly. She was remembering, powerfully and strangely and completely. Quietly, almost awed at the way she had been taken, he moved closer. "Yes, Rayya, your chalice. You have moved on. You are now elevated."
A shudder coursed through her body, shivering the petite frame. She looked up, violet eyes unseeing and calm. "Elevated?"
"Yes. Sailor Bacchus, you are now more." Gently, he nudged her knee, encouraging her to stand. "Come on, girl. Let's get you home."
Obeying, Rayya stood slowly, hands tight on the chalice again. The faraway look finally faded from her face and she loosened one hand to grip Julius' leash. "Right." As she looked down at Julius, the pain edged back into her face once more, not completely but enough. "Now I do more damage," she whispered. She smiled faintly. "Okay, Jules, let's go home so you can tell me more pretty stories… Maybe I'll tell you some of my own…" With a sigh, she turned on her heel, leash and chalice in her hands. Elevation might be all it was cracked up to be… Or it might not…