Sidestory:
Party Girls in Pain

by Angie and Jennie~Pie

With a sigh, Rayya Veritas ran a hand through her hair, pushing the chestnut strands out of her field of vision with a world-weary gesture.  She felt so much older than she had a mere six months ago; so much had happened.  Death, loss, pain, more loss… And so much of it was her own utter and total stupidity.  Limbs slow and tired, she mounted the steps and then paused to lean slightly on the door.  She missed him so very much; it felt unnatural to have had to move into her new apartment without his help, to have had a small home-warming party without him, to have… No, she was here for Gwyn.  Her blond friend had been acting off all summer and Rayya was worried.  It was time to stop focusing selfishly on herself and do something for one of her dearest friends ever.  Pulling back from the door, she blanked her face, then smiled and rang the bell.

An annoyed, muffled reply could be heard from inside, and the door quickly swung open, revealing a very disgusted looking auburn-haired girl wearing a green apron.

"Yeah?" she said, looking Rayya up and down from head to toe.

Reinforcing her smile in the face of such judgment, Rayya nodded, friendly.  “I’m here to see Gwyn.”

"Try the kitchen table," she said, her voice icy. "Though I don't know how good she'll be for conversation. She's drunk, and I think she may have a fork stuck in her ass. Now if you'll excuse me, the working world beckons." With that, she shuffled rudely past Rayya, and disappeared down the stairs.

The door stood open, so Rayya was left with little choice but to shrug and enter. The apartment was filled with pale winter sunlight that poured in sheets through the large glass windows lining the western wall. The smell of stale coffee spread through the air, not a bad smell, but a new one for Gwyn's apartment. Slowly Rayya made her way into the living room, and from there she could see that Veta hadn't been kidding. The blonde was curled up, peacefully sleeping on the kitchen table. She still was fully dressed from the night before, shoes and all. A white vase was curled in her arms like a teddy bear, and the violets that it had held flopped over onto her hair.

Chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully, Rayya moved into the kitchen and gently pulled the vase from Gwyn’s arms, setting it upright further down the table.  Then she carefully brushed some petals from her friend’s blond hair.  “Gwyn, hon?  Wake up.”

She stirred slightly, pulling her arms closer under head like a pillow. Her eyes ventured opening and she gazed forward blearily, then up at Rayya. The girl smiled and in that moment the realization of who she was hit Gwyn like flyswatter to the face. "Rayya!" She shrieked in an embarrassingly panicked way. Flailing a bit, she knocked the vase off the table and rolled off the other side with little grace. Regaining some weak center of balance, she reached back over and grabbed her friend's wrists for dear life.

"What's going on!?! What happened? Is everyone okay?"

The petite brunette opted to stabilize her friend first, pulling her upright and closer, impulsively hugging the taller girl.  “Nothing happened, hon,” she murmured.  “Calm down.  I just wanted to visit with my favorite Irish gal.”

"Oh," Gwyn muttered, relieved. Then, with the urgency and fear taken away she was painfully aware of the throbbing in her head and the choke in her throat. "Oh," She said again, this time in a moan, as her hand clamped down on her temple. "Welcome to hangover land..." She gently pulled away from Rayya and entered the kitchen, giving a quick snarl to the pot of coffee, and continuing on in search for alcoholic first aid.

"So, what's up Stranger?" She called, relishing the cold as she stuck her head in the fridge.

“Nothing much but…”  Rayya trailed off, violet eyes intent with concern on her friend’s back.  “Gwyn, hon?  Are you sure you’re alright?”

"Mmm-hmm," Came an echoing reply inside the fridge. Rather sluggishly, Gwyn pushed herself out of the icebox, and hoisted a pitcher of what looked like tomato juice. "Just went a little overboard last night. It was a friend's birthday..." She poured herself a tall glass, drank it down, and began to pour another. ".... and a wedding. You know how it is." She added distractedly.

“… Who’s wedding?”

"Who's wedding?" Gwyn asked, surprised. Her mouth stayed open for a second as no reply came immediately, and she tried to cover it with a yawn and stretch. "Oh... no one... I mean, no one you know. Just my friend." She stretched her arms over her head with a shrug, bringing them back down with clap. "So how's the pork? As bitchy as ever?"

A strange, shuttered look passed over the brunette’s face and she looked away slightly.  “He’s… Okay.”

Gwyn frowned at the reply, and returned the pitcher to the fridge. “Well I hope you’ve learned to tell him to just shut up every now and then.” She plucked her glass from the counter and tapped Rayya on the arm as she passed her. “C’mon, couch time! I -need- comfy.” The blonde gratefully slipped off her jacket as she headed into the living room, and smiled at its oh-so-inviting 72 inch TV, and soft smooth leather couches.

“Comfy is good,” Rayya agreed, a faint smile fighting its way onto her lips.  When she reached the couch, though, and saw the dark circles under Gwyn’s eyes, though, it faded.  “And he’s been not so bad.  Really,” she murmured.  “He has a lot on his plate lately… But what about you?  How are you, hon?  I haven’t seen you in ages.  I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”

"Who me? Naaaaaah." Gwyn smiled glossily, snatching up the remote and sitting. She looked at the TV blearily, starting to glare as pressing the channel button received only blackness in response. She slowly shuffled the glass in her left hand with the clicker in her right, almost dropping both and accidentally hitting power in the process. With a static pop the set blinked to life. "Sweet." She remarked dumbly, and then sank further into the couch, sipping from her glass smugly.

There was a moment of hesitation and Rayya sank down onto the couch next to Gwyn, kicking off her platforms and tucking her jean clad legs under her.  Leaning her head back on the couch, almost on Gwyn’s shoulder, she smiled warmly.  “Good.  If I thought you were avoiding me, I’d camp out on your doorstep and I kinda don’t think that would make your roomie too happy.”

"You met Veta?" Gwyn asked, grinning. "I don't think Ed McMahon camped out on our doorstep with a million-dollar check would make her happy. She's one of those people who are too smart to ever be happy."

“That must be a rough way to live,” the brunette murmured absently.  Suddenly, she sat upright again and studied Gwyn.  “Gywny?  Do you think happiness is a straight out possible thing anymore?  With us, I mean.”

"Ray," Gwyn said, studying her glass a bit. “I never even doubted it before. But... “She found a lump in her throat and trailed off, and it seemed at first that she wouldn't be able to continue. She mustered a whisper. “But I haven't seen Lissie in so long, and I can't even remember what used to make me happy."

Biting her lip, Rayya slipped her arms around her blond friend and hugged her tightly, trying to offer comfort with her touch.  “Oh, Gwyn, I’m sorry, hon.  It… It’s that bad?”

Gwyn closed her eyes and nodded, leaning her head on Rayya's shoulder. "I can't believe that it’s possible to love someone so much, and then they...  they don't care about you at all." She shook her head slightly and covered her face with her hands.

The brunette felt her own eyes tear; Gwyn’s words were striking dangerously close to her own well of pain.  Sighing, she hugged tighter, rocking a bit.  “That can’t be true, Gwyny.  You were friends and you’re not friends with someone if one of you doesn’t care.”

"That's not enough." Gwyn sighed. "That's so not enough. A part of me was so sure that deep down inside she felt the same." She opened her eyes and looked to Rayya for an answer. "Can I really be that wrong about something like this? Haven't you always heard stories about people finding their soul mates? How you just know?"

“I… I don’t know, hon.”  Rayya’s voice went soft and uncertain; her violet eyes closed with shared pain and sorrow.  “I always kind of thought you’d know.  I mean, my parents did.  They… They were so in love and when Mom…” She bit her lip, editing her words before she went too far.  All she needed was the right amount of push and she knew she would be crying.  Again.  Shaking her head, she rubbed at her friend’s back.  “Sometimes… Sometimes people don’t know their own hearts, hon,” she whispered.  “Or heads.  Sometimes… Sometimes we ignore stuff that should be so simple and… Oh, I’m not making much sense, am I?”

Gwyn wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's waste and gave her an affirmative hug. "To me it does. Always."

A tiny, vaguely bitter laugh slipped from Rayya as she hugged Gwyn back.  “And you make sense to me, too.  I wish I could fix your heart, hon.  Really, really.”

“C’mon then,” Gwyn said. She sat up again, wiping her eyes and looking hopeful. “I got some vodka, the least we can do is numb the pain right?”

Rayya was shaking her head before Gwyn had even finished her sentence, her eyes haunted and almost-scared.  “I… I can’t do that, hon, and you shouldn’t either.”

Gwyn paused. "What time is it?" She asked, almost philosophically.

Glancing at her watch, Rayya sighed.  “Almost five.  Are you getting hungry?  I... I can cook something if you want.”

Her stomach gave a lurch at the idea and Gwyn groaned a bit. "Uh... no thanks, I'm not very hungry. But if you are, go ahead! My kitchen is your kitchen." She cleared her throat a bit, and guilty sipped her bloody Mary again. "I didn't know you could cook."

“Oh, yeah.”  A gentle smile lit Rayya’s face and she stood, smoothing down her shirt automatically.  “I love to cook.  Mostly Italian stuff but I can handle some other stuff pretty well.  I cooked for Dad all the time.  Even managed a nice meal for Wa-“ She cut herself off and looked away, uncomfortable.

"What did you make Wade?" Gwyn asked, squinting at the TV as she changed the channel.

“Dinner,” she murmured.  “Just dinner one night.”  She paused and glanced at the television.  “So you’re not hungry?  Thirsty?”

Gwyn hoisted her glass a bit to show its still half-fullness. "When was the last time you saw him?"

There was a long silence and then, suddenly, Rayya collapsed back down onto the couch.  “Before summer,” she whispered.

"Uh-oh," Gwyn surmised dumbly. She reached up and tucked away some of the hair that had fallen over Rayya's face. Subconsciously trying to negate walls that Rayya put up sometimes. "What's going on with you two?"

“Nothing.”

"Oh hell no!" Gwyn exclaimed, then almost got up. Her head started wavering at the thought, and she settled for grabbing Rayya's hands and shaking them a little as she spoke. "You are not gonna sit hear, listen to me cry like a baby, then refuse to drink, and then not let me know what's going on. I'm a good friend too sometimes, y'know!"

“You’re my best friend, Gwyn.  Honest.”  She refused to look upwards, though, her eyes locked on their hands and a dangerous tremor in lower lip.  “But what I did… It’s my mistake and I can’t get in his way anymore and and… Gwyn, please, I want to help you.  Lissie doesn’t know what she’s missing and you didn’t really tell her and… It’s worth an honest try.”  She stuttered to an uncomfortable stop and finally looked up, visibly shaken.  “It’s always worth being honest.”

Gwyn shook her head a bit, sudden anger rising to the front of her mind. It wasn’t worth it when honesty created ‘awkwardness’, and the love you were proposing was considered wrong and sick by a lot of people. “I can’t. Can you imagine how much it word hurt if I came out with everything, and she didn’t feel the same way. Or if she resented me. Or if she just… didn’t want to see me anymore. That’s the worst possible thing you can do to someone. Listen to them say ‘I love you’, and then not say it back.”

Immediate tears rose in the brunette’s eyes and she slouched, unable to look at her friend.  “I… I know that,” she managed to mutter, throat tight and choked.  Slouching more, she hugged herself and dipped her head miserably.  “Been there,” she added, voice cracking further, “done that.”

Gwyn sat stunned as her friend had begun disintegrate in front of her. She reached out and wrapped her arms around Rayya’s shoulders. It was a rare Gwyn initiated hug, and it was usually pretty inescapable once you were there. “C’mon,” She prodded gently. “Tell me what happened.”

“I, oh, god, Gwyn, I messed up.”  Giving up and giving in, Rayya leaned into the blonde.  With a miserable sniffle, she buried her face in the other woman’s shoulder.  “Remember how Wade and Gina and Jamie and I went out on patrol at the end of the school year?  We met up with those Angelus?”  She paused to inhale, shivering slightly.  “W-Wade and I went out for coffee after and, and… He told me… That he loved me.  Loved me?  Oh, god, Gwyn, I froze.  Completely and stared at him like, like an IDIOT.”

"Awww," Gwyn said, a smile creeping up against her will. GO WADE! she thought to herself. She let a small laugh came out and she gave Rayya a big squeeze. "So what? Have you talked to him since then, Knuckle-head?"

“No, why would he want to?”  Pulling back, Rayya hesitantly met her friend’s eyes.  “You didn’t see the look on his face when I froze.  He… He hates me.”

Gwyn wanted to laugh again, but when she saw the absolute seriousness in Rayya's eyes, she found some self-control. That girl really thought that Wade could hate her. Obviously, there was some other problem here besides communication. "Why didn't you say anything?"

“I… I don’t know.  I just… Froze.”  Her head dropped lower and she shivered.  “I’m such an idiot.”

"Alright, alright." Gwyn said softly. "Enough of that self-bashing. Nobody talks bad about my friends, not even themselves." She looked Rayya's face over carefully. "Rayya, if you could go back. What would you say?"

There was a long pause, the silence only broken by Rayya’s soft, gaspy breathing as she tried to stop her sniffling.  Finally, the brunette reached up and scrubbed at her face.  “I’d tell him that I… That I really care about him, too.  I’d die if anything happened to him and, oh, God, Gwyn, what if something happens to him?  I know he’s been going on patrol but… He hasn’t been out with you or ‘Reese or Gina or… Oh, God, Gwyn, he’s going out alone.  What if something happens to him?”

"Okay, okay." Gwyn hugged the other girl, thoroughly alarmed. Not for Wade's safety so much, as the reaction that she witnessing. Rayya was teetering on the edge of some major mental trauma. She knew now why Rayya had frozen. The girl really wasn't in shape for a relationship. She racked her brain for a plan to help her friend. "No worries. I'll make sure to patrol with him often. I promise. Nothing bad will happen. I promise."

“You… You promise?”  Rayya wrapped her arms around Gwyn and squeezed.  “Really?”

"Absolutely." Gwyn fell silent, wondering how the poor boy was doing if Rayya was in this state.  She sighed, things were way too complicated these days. "Are you gonna be okay though, Ray?"

“Oh.”  Pulling away slightly, she offered Gwyn a faint, watery smile.  “I’ll be peachy.”

"Remind me to stay away from peaches from now on, in that case."

Rayya blinked.  “Huh?”

"I mean that I wouldn't be very happy being peachy. Being that your peachy, and miserable. Plus I'm not really a fan of peaches. Or Georgia...." She trailed off, massaging her temples. "Now you've made me confused. Or ... I made me confused." She looked around the room a bit as if searching for lost brain cells.

A surprised snort of laughter burst from the brunette and she pulled Gwyn into a tight hug.  “Thank you,” she whispered.  “Thank you for everything.”  There was a definite pause and then she added, voice much more stable and firm, “What do we do about you now, hon?”

Gwyn thought for a moment. "Well I'm just gonna have to figure out how to get Lissie to love me. No biggie." She smiled for a second, but it immediately frowned out. "Unless she won't speak to me or see me again... as has been the case so far. But that reminds me of our much bigger problem." She looked to Rayya with raised eyebrows, insinuating that she should know what Gwyn meant.

Rayya chose to miss it.  “I’ve been patrolling off and on.  Nothing steady, though.”

"Yeah well, we need to stop letting all this personal bullshit split the team up." She stopped a little, knowing it would hurt Rayya to go on, but really saw no other way of making her intentions clear. They had a responsibility to the younger Romanus.  "You know what can happen if we don't get it together soon."

Rayya dropped her head.  “I know,” she murmured.  “We won’t let that happen.”

"Right," Gwyn said sternly. "So we have to take a little initiative in this war-thing. I don't necessarily mean kill anybody, but there are some things we can do to protect ourselves."

“I know.  Travel in pairs or groups.  Don’t patrol alone.  Ever.”

"And don't keep secrets," Gwyn added. "If something is bothering you, it’s important to let me know, okay. We have enough trying to wear us down without the additional emotional trauma."

Rayya slowly nodded.  “No secrets.”  Then she hesitated and met Gwyn’s eyes, taking a slow, deep breath.  “Then I should tell you that my powers… They’re getting stronger, I think.  They last longer and hit harder.  I don’t know why.”  Not really, not totally, she told herself silently.  It’s not a lie.

"Hmm," Gwyn hummed thoughtfully. "I guess that's to be expected, right? You've been using your powers a lot. It makes sense that they'd grow stronger. But hey, that's a good thing! Less chance of losing."  Gwyn paused, considering something.  "But that probably means that the enemy is getting stronger too. And I can't help but suspect that most of our team is behind in the running."

“If they are, it doesn’t matter.”  Rayya looked up and regarded her friend, her mouth set in a grim line.  “No one else is going to get hurt.”

"Yeah!" Gwyn said enthusiastically, casting off useless melancholy. "No one is going to get hurt. We'll take care of whatever comes our way, and throw it right back in their faces. No problem."

A genuine smile lit Rayya's face at Gwyn's sudden turn-around.  "We can look out for our friends and we will.  Everything is going to be just fine, right?"

"No doubt." Gwyn affirmed, getting up. "We can handle this! We are both very smart, capable young women. There is -nothing- that we can't do if we really fucking go for it. And that goes for love, and war, and everything in between, got me?"

The brunette nodded slowly.  "Yes.  It'll all work out."  Standing up and smoothing out her shirt automatically, she then hugged Gwyn tightly. "And people really don't know what they're missing with you, hon.  Love ya."

Gwyn chuckled a bit and hugged her friend back. "Yeah, thanks Ray." She sucked in a deep breath and smiled. "And no more hangover! Let's go do something."

"Of course.  I came over to hang out with you."  Rayya beamed.  "What would you like to do?  Movie?"

"Bar?" Gwyn asked, shaking her head at the movie idea. "Club?"

"Club.  Come on."  Gripping the taller girl's hand, Rayya began dragging.  "Silas will let us in for free at Dante's."

"Alright!" Gwyn said, thoroughly cheered. "You should've come and seen me a lot sooner. Free stuff rules."

Rayya giggled.  "Only free because I already work my butt off for the man every other night of the week, hon.  I'm sure we can scam some hot wings off of Jimmy in the kitchen, too."

"My cup runneth over." Gwyn snickered, picking up her jacket and checking her pocket for her keys. She pulled the door open, and nodded Rayya out. For a moment she paused. A look of grief and absolute pain shadowed her face. Slowly she reached into her back pocket. She gripped a handle, and in a second held a fork up for viewing. " Whoa... Ouch." Gwyn laughed. Following out into the hallway, the door closing behind her, she laughed again. She called after Rayya. "Wait, you got a job dude?"

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